Saturday, April 13, 2013

Most Obnoxious Pet Owner Ever

The following is what my pets would say if they could talk. I knowwhat they are saying because I am their pet psychic and they talk through me...
You are bringing home ANOTHER dog?
Abby won't share her smokes with us...
I'll show you MY version of "smell my feel"
I can't junp off this bed, you idiot!
Wasn't I enough?...
Oh mama, don't take my picture, I'm having a bad hair day...
I guess he's OK. But he is NOT my brother!!
Why do you have your coat on? You are going to work? That's like 56 hours for us!
I like your shiny floor mama. Not I can pee on it again.
Hi mama, I had a bad dream. I sleep with you?
This not your bed. This my bed.
It's been a lonng week. I gotta get my drink on.
You love me most, right? Right?
Who is this kid, and how dare he sit on my bed?
You DO know he's gonna grow, don't you?
Sometimes I sleep in the food dish.
Abby coming home from dog jail. "Don't say it... I'm embarrased enough. But they said they had kibble. KIBBLE!"
I'm dreaming of my next escape...
I'll never run away mama...
I had a ruff night.
When will you learn? All the purple bows in the world won't make me a girly girl.
Fine. I'll just be over here. Staring at the wall. Minding my own business.
I'll be your baby mama.
I'm NOT a football...
I sleep here. On your face.
This my poker face...
I hate the cone of shame...