Kids are funny

My student's writing has cracked me up lately...
One girl wrote about her Christmas. "My funniest present was a beer box. You will never guess what was in the box. It wasn't beer, but the tiger I really wanted! My sister's favorite gift was a bear that glows. She named it Gloria, which is really dumb if you ask me, but she loves it."

Another wrote, "My mom and dad are my heroes because they keep me safety. If there is ever a broken they called the fire department." At first it made me cringe, then I had to laugh because that is how she talks. One day she said, "I'm gonna getter after school cuz my mom axed me to." The kids asked me if "getter" is a word. I said, "No, GET HER is." I am always after her to stop talking like a hillbilly, so now the kids are tattling on her for not talking right.

I had the kids write a letter to their parents today for their conferences which start tomorrow night. I had them write about what they like about school (me). What their favorite thing about third grade is (everything I do and say). As well as what they are learning about (how to hang on every word Mrs. Fairfield says). Last month when we did letter writing I talked about how you don't want to sign it "Love" unless you know the person well and actually love them. One girl came up to me when she was done with her letter to show me. I read it and she said, "I don't know what to say, like I don't want to say love, because I don't know her that well..." I replied, "Who your mom??" She said, "Oh ya, right," and walked away.

It is conference time and... wait for it.... I AM NOT SICK!!!! It has to be some sort of record!! Actually I am way too busy to be sick right now anyway.

I will leave you with thoughts to think:
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

Mornings...

I am rather proud of myself because I have the kid's morning routine down to a science. They can sleep in until 7:20 and we're still out the door by 7:45. I get their backpacks, snacks, boots, snow pants, everything else ready the night before. All they have to do is take a quick shower (usually together to save time) and throw on their clothes. They eat breakfast at school. However, Ethan has gotten too tall for size 7 jeans. At Christmas time I bought him all new pants in size 8. He keeps putting them in Noah's drawers because he thinks they are too "fat" and too long. I had to buy the 8 slims because he is so scrawny, and I STILL have to cinch in the elastic strip on the jeans or tie on the running pants. The past two mornings I've found him sitting on his floor wearing a shirt, socks and underwear sobbing because "he doesn't have any pants." I tell him the 8s are his pants and the 7s were too short. He continues to cry saying, "But I'm a 7, not a 8. I wear 7." I had a flashback when I did and said the exact same thing on a dressing room floor. He refuses to wear the 8s because they are too big around the waist and I have to roll them up. I refuse to let him wear the 7s because it looks like he's waiting for a flood. Yesterday I ended up bribing him with promises of shopping to find long enough 7s. Today I ended up changing MY pants to show him even cool people (like his mom) can wear pants rolled up and not look like a dork. I am fresh out of ideas for tomorrow. If only he were a girl, then he could hide his short pants with hooker boots!

Dear God...

Last night after supper Ethan asked me if I was too old to have a baby. I told him I was not, so he asked, "well, who decides if you get one?" I didn't want to get into the whole birds and bees talk with my seven-year-old, so I said, "God decides." Ethan folded his hands looked at the ceiling and said, "Dear God, please GET my mom pregnant."