Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Happy New Year!

I want to wish everyone Happy New Year. I hope 2009 brings you health and happiness. And a little white dog perhaps? It's official, Sammy won't let me sleep in or nap. The evil little mutt senses when I am thinking, 'lay still. Sam will go away and let me sleep.' I can try to nap when he is napping, and he will wake up in order to wake me up. He is as big as Abby now and has started humping Max and Abby. I wonder if he is older than his owners thought? He gets his second round of shots on Monday, maybe they'll slip him some Valium so I can sleep. Paul has to go back to Arizona today. It makes me sad. I'll miss him. Ethan's fish tank water is cloudy. I looked up the reason why and the Internet says it's because I added fish to soon and to many. Damn the fish Nazis and their wisdom.
Thoughts that I think: I wonder if the vet will put GPS tracking in my kids. He put it in Abby and Max, and I am even more attached to the boys. I think putting GPS tracking in the boys would be the best idea EVER. I can keep track of them now, and when they are teenagers and try to sneak into a party and lie to me about it.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

More Snow

Seriously. There is MORE snow on the ground. I remember last year, the kids could hardly go sledding because of no snow, now we have a ton. I just have to say, Christmas break ROCKS!! I love staying home and sleeping in, as long as Sammy lets me, then he decides I need to get up and feed him/let him out/play. I love being home with the kids, although Ethan is whining right now because his Pac-Man game is too hard, and Paul is home! My wicked step-mother has chased him away like she did my sister. I'm not sure how long it'll be before he comes home again. Ethan was talking to my sister on the phone the other day and she asked if we had a lot of snow. He said, "I don't know, I have to look." He ran to the deck door to look out, "There isn't any on the deck, but a lot on the ground." He's so funny. Yesterday the boys were playing, the dogs were either sleeping or with the boys, so I thought great time to shower (also it was after 12:30 and I was still in jammies). I am taking my shower with the radio on and Noah talks at the door. All I hear is, "mom! amnahmnabla Ethan blunamna three?"
"I don't understand you." By this time Sammy is barking up a storm because that is what he does thirty percent of the time he is awake. The other fifty percent of the time he is chewing on something he shouldn't and the last twenty he is being a good dog.
"Can I come in?" I am creeped out with Noah seeing me naked now that he is the age of my students, so I say, "NO".
"MOM, blablablablabla, Ethan?"
"I DON'T CARE!!!" Apparently he thought I didn't care if he came in. So the door opens, I tell him to get out. However he let the dogs in. Sammy is still barking, came running in and jumped in the shower with me. He has always done this. I think it's because he misses me when I am in the shower. It's that or he likes the taste of soap. Max is scratching on the tub, because he doesn't want to be left out and I am wondering what I said "go ahead" to. I am hoping it wasn't; "mom, can Ethan play with knives/the stove/garbage disposal/drain cleaner/your I-Pod/on the street?" Wow! I am taking a big chance taking a shower. I never found out what it was he was saying. When I got out he forgot.
Thoughts that I think: Beef is made from Beef cattle, Pork comes from pigs, Chicken comes from chicken. How do we know hot dogs don't come from dogs? Hmmmmm

Sunday, December 28, 2008


I don't remember the last time I did all of the laundry in one day. I've been doing a load here and there for the past two-three weeks. Because of that, my clothes don't get put away, but instead sit in a basket until I dig through it and re-wear them. Yesterday Stacy came over and wanted to go out for a beer. I have about 5-7 pairs of jeans, but they were all dirty or in the washer, so I had to go out wearing dress pants and a sweater. I looked like an old grandma. One time I came back from the bathroom and Stacy said, "well, hello my librarian friend." No offense Lydia, you are a COOL librarian, and don't dress like a grandma. Needless to say, I am doing laundry today. I just cleaned out my refrigerator aka 'science experiment'. There was a container of (once) frozen peas behind the apples. Because it was behind the apples, it was hidden probably the last half-dozen times the fridge was cleaned. Did you know that if you keep coked frozen peas around long enough they turn into what looks like canned peas? Maybe that is how they make canned peas, hmmmm. I am also going to see the fish Nazi to get Ethan's fish today. Sammy has gotten a lot better! He is calmer. Doesn't bark or bite very much anymore, and has let us hold him for longer than five seconds. He is getting big though. He is almost as big as Abby. Liquor store dog peddler said he'd be 11 pounds. Note to self, broken puppies that come from the liquor store might be bigger than the owner said. Once Sammy got rid of those worms, he really started takin' off.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Paul Makes a Fine Wife

My brother makes a fine wife. I'm not making a statement about his sexuality, but if I said he makes a fine husband- that would be Arkansas creepy. Last Monday and Tuesday the kids didn't have school because kids from Moorhead rarely go to school. I did however. I needed a sitter because Jo went to Arizona to see her son, daughter-in-law and grand baby. So, Paul volunteered to babysit the boys. While I was gone, he cooked for the kids, did the dishes, washed the clean clothes and shoveled the driveway so clean, there wasn't a speck of snow on it. Oh- and he found a way to contain Ethan (see picture). Now before you start looking up the phone number to child-re-po services in Moorhead, I should tell you Ethan put himself into the dog kennel and shut the door. Paul let him out after the whining got too excessive. Just Kidding- he didn't. No! Kidding again! Or am I??
Thoughts that I think: If I were Rodolph and the other reindeer wouldn't let me join their games or called me names, I'd punch them in the nose. That way they would have a red nose too!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Mother of the Year Part 5

Noah wanted to give Ethan a binder to put his Pokemon cards in for Christmas. So we got him a binder and yesterday Scott took Ethan outside, so I told Noah to go into Ethan's room to get his Pokemon cards and put them into the binder. Not even two hours later, Ethan noticed one of his most treasured possessions- his Pokemon cards- were gone. Now he is going to ask Santa for them back. Nothin' like taking your kids stuff and giving it back to them for Christmas to teach the real meaning of Christmas. I wonder what Santa will think when Ethan asks for his Pokemon cards back. Yes. I haven't taken the kids to see Santa yet. I am much too busy waiting by the mailbox for my mother-of-the year award.
Last night I had my graduation from my master's party. My friend Julie brought her husband's old graduation cap for me to wear and get a photo of. I had lots of fun. Turns out Chuck Norris is not my friend, as I had a big headache this morning.
Scott and the boys left this morning to go to the cities to a Vikings game. Scott just called, Noah threw-up twice. Poor Noah. I hate that he is sick so far away and won't be home until late tonight. The kids don't have school tomorrow, but I do. I have so many things to do before Christmas, I could really use another snow day. -Or my student teacher back, so I can get my school stuff done at least.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Christmas Letter

I have decided it is December 15, and I haven't even thought of Christmas cards yet. Well, actually I have thought abut it, it went a little like this, 'shit. I don't have a good picture of the kids and dogs. I don't have a good picture of just the kids. Scott wants to send out family ones, is he nuts? When will we get the time to get a family picture taken?' Now my thoughts are; 'It is 10 days from Christmas. I have received four cards and I really don't care. I don't feel like others are snubbing or overlooking me. If they are- oh well I have other people that I care about who care about me.' So, I have officially decided to nix the cards this year. GASP!! I know- big chance I'm taking with all of the judgemental people in my life. Oh well, if they are judging me- they are NOT judging someone else, and if "She didn't send out cards during Christmas of 08" is the worst thing they can say about me- well, they obviously don't know me very well. I am actually saving the enviornment. No trees will die to make my envelopes. It's my little part to help the world go green.However, just to annoy the judgmental people I was thinking of sending out a Christmas letter written through the eyes of Abby- our dog. I thought I'd try it out on people who love me first, so let me know what you think. Abby does speak through me, so it would be an easy task.
Dear Family and Friends,
Another year down and I am still alive to talk about it. Last Christmas was wonderful! I had mama all to myself. Her and those two boys were home for 10 days. I am starting to actually like, not just put up with, the loud little one. When mama went back to school after New Year's I started shivering as she was leaving. Partly because I was cold- I just came in from outside, and partly because it made her go, "Ohhh, Abby. Are you so lonely? Blaa blaa. You need your own pet to be responsible, blaaa do you need a little friend? Blaaa, blaaa." and she'd hold me for a longer time. Then a few days later the next thing I knew, mama brought home a little ball of fur that kept smelling my bum. I am a princess, who did he think he was trying to smell royal poo? I spent much of the next month jumping on the couch to get away from this fur ball they call Max, Maxie and Maxine. In May, mama took him somewhere, and not me- so I got even and peed on her bed. She came home without him! Hooray!! Ooops- REALLY sorry about the bed mama. But the next day she brought him home and called him Maxine much more. I guess he is here to stay. I spent the next three months trying to adjust. The summer was good. Mama and those boys were home. I got to run and play outside. Sometime, this one lady who sort of looks like mama, but she is not mama, would bring her kids and a big fur ball over. That big fur ball would chase me, but I got away. Late August came. Mama went back to this "work" place. I started plotting my escape. That fur ball that lives here is so dumb. He always comes when mama calls. Doesn't he know going to mama is the opposite of escaping? When mama gets ready to go to work, I hid under the bed or in other places. She would clack the dog clacker and yell, "Abby! (clack, clack) ABBY!" Like she was all happy and excited. I knew what she was doing. Mama can fool the dumb one, but not me. On August 25, on mama's back to school night, I successfully carried out my escape. That bigger kid that lives here was playing basketball in the front yard, without me- mind you- how dare he? Anyway, I dug and dug until I made a hole under the fence for me to crawl through. I got through and ran like the wind. I was free for about two hours until this man wearing blue, and had a shiney badge picked me up and I rode in his cool car. He brought me to a place where one would keep a "common" fur ball. All the barking drove me a bit crazy, but I would show mama. She'd miss me and give me more attention than that fur ball at home. I knew one of them would get me in the morning, and sure enough, before the jailer could even call for bail- there they were- waiting the next morning to bust me out! Who's the princess? ME- Don't you forget it. Things were fine until late November when mama brought home another fur ball! Seriously. What is with that? Wasn't I enough mama? Why do you need two more? This one barks A LOT. Disturbs my sleep, and is always trying to chase me. I am currently plotting his demise. The people who live here are good. The human boys go to school. Mama and the man go to work. Sometimes they give me treats. The little- loud boy and mama keep asking me why I look so sad. You'd be sad too if you were out numbered by commoners.
Merry Christmas to All and to All a Good Night. Hey- want a free baby fur ball- I think it comes with a loud boy.
Abby Princess Puppy Fairfield
Do you like it? Should I print it and send it out??

Sunday, December 14, 2008

The Weather is Still Frightful- but not as bad as before...

Paul's flight was canceled, as was school for tomorrow. The boy's school is canceled tomorrow too. I hate when they cancel this early, because last time they canceled school, it ended up being a beautiful day. They shouldn't have canceled it at 3:30 the afternoon before. Now I have to work on Easter Thursday. I hope the I is open. I don't want to drive through town. I want to see my brother in the worst way- I just hope those "pilots can see in the dark", or through a snowstorm. Hee heee. Stacy's mom said once on a trip at night- Loudly- "Gee Stac. I SURE hope these pilots can see in the dark!!" Stacy told her they have big headlights on the plane. One more day pent up with my loving children!!My "Baby" cousin, Lisa, became a mommy. She will be a wonderful mom. How do I know? Well, being 8-years-older I was always playing house with her and she was my real life baby and was perfect. She learned from the best! Ha ha! Seriously, she will be a really good mom. She is nurturing and loving. She actually covered me up once with a blanket when she had to be less then two when I fell asleep on the couch once. I think she's been meant to be a mom since she was a little girl. She has a very lucky baby boy. She really is the type of mom who should have a dozen or more. Or six sets of twins, or four sets of triplets, but not three sets of quadruplets because that would be silly. And a lot of work.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Brag Letters

If you know me well, you know one of my MANY pet peeves is "brag letters" people send out at Christmas. I don't mind the form letter- to INFORM, but there is a fine line between informing and bragging. Let me illustrate the difference: (This is actually one I received, all names have been changed). "Marcy is in the sixth grade this year. She is the star of her class. She is doing ninth grade reading and captain of her volleyball team. She was the highest scorer for her team, if not in the city.
Next is Elliot. Another PERFECT child! He is four-years-old now and he is such an angel, I find myself looking under his shirt for wings. He is reading already, his Montessori teacher at our private school says he is gifted."
GAG ME!!! Actually this writer does have nice kids (well at the time, now they are a pain in the a$$). But again- fine line....
This is how it SHOULD have been written. "Marcy is in sixth grade. She enjoys volleyball and reading. Lucky for her she is good at both being she spends so much time doing them!
Elliot started pre-school at Academy Montessori school (for the weird)- sorry- I HAD to say it. He is four-years-old already! Four is my favorite age. He has been entertaining us with his early childhood antics!
See wasn't that much easier to take? I have to admit, I have not sent out cards yet. Mostly because I've only received three and I wonder if it's worth the effort. Partly because I can't get a good picture of Noah and Ethan let alone three dogs. I thought of sending a form letter (I know- gasp). However, to prove my point I'd send an ANTI-BRAG letter. It would go like this:
Dear Friends and Family,
It is Christmas again, and as cold as shit outside. I really prefer summer, and not just because I don't work in the summer. Too bad baby Jesus wasn't born in June- I'd have a lot of free time to celebrate properly. Well, here's the summery of our year. Scott still works a the same place. Not much has changed there. He's in charge of more stores. However, not the Hawaii one like I wanted him to be- hey free trip. Noah is in third grade- so yes I deal with third graders ALL day. He just got glasses, hope he's not going to be blind as a bat like his mother. He likes school and is obsessed with sports. He is in soccer, basketball, football and baseball. I wore out my chair dragging it to games. Ethan had a tough time adjusting to Kindergarten- more specifically his teacher. Apparently he thinks he is a clown- which would suck because we all know clowns are creepy. He's gotten better now, but it really is just a matter of time before he stops obeying someone else's rules. Abby our King Charles Spaniel had a traumatic year. We brought home a King Charles/Bichon mix in early January. Abby was lonely, but I think she misses her lonely days. Max takes up a lot of her mama's attention. Both times we got Max and Abby we picked them up from West Achers. We got a six week old puppy right before Thanksgiving from the liquor store. We found out broken dogs come from the liquor store. He is wild. My house has a perma-smell of dog pee. He had spaghetti coming out of his bum a few weeks ago- turned out it was worms, so all the dogs have been de-wormed. I am waiting for the day Noah or Ethan tell me they pooed spaghetti. I moved schools AGAIN- seriously- I am starting to take all of this moving personally. Maybe the district is trying to tell me something. My class consists of 18 out of 24 kids with learning/behavior issues. Mostly behavior. Of the six non- issue kids, four are "gifted" i.e.- don't listen, argue with me and are socially stunted. Have a good Christmas. My cookies are burning.
See, isn't an anti-brag letter much more fun?