Thanksgiving and Something to Worry About?

I am so thankful for my family and friends, and my home and job. I am especially thankful for my family of four. Without any of them, I'd be lost and have no purpose. I'd like to take a minute to talk about what they've taught me. (These are in opposite order because the blog photo thing didn't cooperate.)

Sammy was the "unplanned" event in out lives. We did not look for, nor want a third dog. However, he turned out to be what we were missing- even though we didn't know it. Our lives would be less messy, chaotic, or loud without him, but also a lot less fun. Sam is the mixed-up-mutt- liquor dog. But he is also the smartest and most gentle one in the house. Sam taught me not all rash decisions are bad ones, and it's good to think with your heart instead of your head sometimes.

Max- I am so thankful for Max because with him I feel like I have a baby or toddler without the complications that go along with it. He is so cuddly and simple. Maxie's not too smart, but he's OK with it. He loves his mama very much. He's taught me what it feels like to be the most important person in the room.

I am thankful for Abby. She taught me how to not only put up with a dog but love them. I didn't like or want a dog until we saw her as a puppy. I grew up loathing dogs and I thought all "dog people" were needy and crazy. She started my collection. She is so sweet. She taught me that no matter what I look like, how I feel, how much weight I've gained, or the mistakes I've made someone will love me.

Ethan- I love him. He is my baby. He is so cuddly and sweet. I asked him the other day what a perfect world would look like and he said "every one in it would be just like you." He is just like me on most days. Happy when he's doing something he likes, cautious and cynical most of the time. He is so smart and loves Noah and his puppies with his whole heart! He's taught me to taker a closer look at my own flaws before wanting to "fix" others.

Noah- I am so thankful for him. He has always been, and still is such a great kid. He's always happy, and sweet, respectful and responsible, smart and thoughtful. He is the most caring kid I've ever met. I love him so much. The minute he was born, I knew my purpose in life was to be a mom. He's made it a wonderful job. He is such a great big brother. He is what I strive to be as a person. Noah taught me what it feels like to love someone with your whole heart. A child really is the meaning of unconditional love.

Things I'm worried about:

Sammy is still limping. He went to the vet on Friday and had an x-ray. The vet said he just sprained his paw or pulled a muscle. He was fine on Saturday. All day Sunday and today he's been limping. I made an appointment for him on Wednesday. It doesn't seem to bother him because he's just as playful- but gimpier.

Ethan worries me. His teacher told me he is a loner. Every day I ask him who he played with and he always "forgets". His teacher said he prefers to work alone, color, write or draw at his desk during free time and swings at recess. I asked him about it and he said, "Well, I like to work alone because the others bring me sown. Like they are silly or make me slow." He shrugged when I asked why he doesn't play with kids at free time. He thinks swinging next to someone is playing with them. Last spring at his "track meet" all of the other kids ignored their parents and ran around with each other while Ethan hung around with his dad and me. I'd tell hi to play with his friends, but he'd always gravitate back to me. Last weekend Scott took Noah and a friend and Ethan and a friend sledding. Ethan only wanted to play with Noah. Didn't do hardly anything with his friend. I asked him why and he said, "Well, I only wanted to go with Noah. YOU wanted me to invite Justin. He doesn't like to sled fast like me." That may be true, but still wouldn't he rather socialize? I don't get it. I asked him if he's ever lonely. He said, "Only when I sleep." He tells me he has lots of friends, but just can't remember their names. He's turned down play dates because it would mean getting out of his jammies. I'm so worried he'll grow up to be a loner and be lonely his whole life. He prefers Noah first, the dogs second, then his dad and I. What will he do when we're not there? Don't get me wrong- I'd LOVE for him to live with his mama forever, but will that make him happy? I want grandchildren and Noah will probably marry some snotty girl who will walk all over him because he's too nice to tell her to stop. She'll probably keep me from seeing those grandchildren. Today as I was going through Ethan's backpack and pondering whether I should be worried about him or not, I saw his latest writing project. He was supposed to write a new ending for Goldilocks and the 3 Bears. He wrote, "The bears broght Goldilocks to the bus station so she could go home. She got on the wrong bus and went to Alaska where some bears malled her. That was because she was notty to the 3 bears. The End" Now I think I have a new thing to worry over about Ethan...

I better go play with him before he breaks out the imaginary friends.

Poor Sam

Last night Sam-alamba ding-dong went to bed with Noah like always. A few hours later, he came limping out of Noah's room. He wouldn't put any weight on his left front paw or even put it down. I gave him puppy pain reliever and went to bed. This morning he was still limping. Poor Sammy. Scott took him to the vet and he had an x-ray. $150.00 later, we found out it was sprained. He must have landed wrong when he jumped off Noah's bed. As I write this he is starting to put some weight on it.

Well today is Black Friday. Last night I spent ten minutes explaining to Ethan what Black Friday is. He kept saying, "I don't get it..." Either it is too foreign of a concept for an 8-year-old, or it was a good way to delay bedtime. I didn't get up at the crack of dawn, but did go shopping in the early afternoon. I still got great deals. I'm done with two people on my list , bought myself a sweater, and got Samadoodle a pet bed. I ran into tons of people I know, so that was fun. Earlier this week the kids and I decided we would decorate for Christmas today. However, all of us are opting to "chill" instead. Now Noah says, "Christmas stuff already?" I have a bad cold, and Ethan wants to do it himself. Speaking of Christmas, I asked the kids what they want from Santa. Ethan is asking for "Lazar Tag" which is $400.00. Noah is asking for an iPod Touch which is North of 200.00. I told Ethan that Santa doesn't believe in fostering violence, and Noah that Santa could never "make" and iPod Touch in his workshop. Noah later told Scott that he suspected that Santa isn't real. He said it's because his friend got her Santa gift in a Walmart bag last Christmas. Great. I purposely buy special wrapping paper every year that is just used as Santa wrap so the kids don't get suspicious and now this girl's lazy mom spilled the beans to my baby. This makes me sad in so many ways. I would have gladly continued the Santa charade well into college, and after he has his own kids. I asked the kids if they want to see Santa. Ethan said he wants to write to Santa instead. That ends an era for me. For the past 10 years we have gone to Santa's Village. I love Santa's Village. Why are they growing up so fast?! I thought about having Santa write back. His letter to Ethan will be;

Dear Ethan,

You have been such a good boy this year and your teacher says you are doing well in school. I bet your mom is glad you help out out with the dogs. I can't create Lazar Tag in my workshop, but I'm sure I will find something you will like. Stay your mom's sweet innocent little boy. Never stop believing.

Love, Santa

Noah's would be;

Dear Noah,

You should have continued to believe, now it's your loss buddy.

Santa

I clearly remember the Christmas my mom told me there was no Santa. I was in Kindergarten-5-Years-Old!! Are you kidding me Claudia? I was your last chance of having a "baby" forever. I came along late, as a tag-along, and you treated me like I was 10 years older right out of the womb. She told me at Christmas Eve Supper. I cried and cried. I even got up Christmas morning at the crack of dawn and ran to the tree hoping she was wrong. Christmas was never the same for me after the ripe old age of 5. It lost its magic. You know the song, "Where are you Christmas? Why Can't I Find You..." I could have written that during my Kindergarten nap time. I didn't have the Christmas Spirit until I had my own kids and they believed in Santa. Now "Mrs. To Lazy to Put a Gift in a Gift Bag" wrecked that. At least Ethan still believes. So I better quick hide all of the Walmart bags...

Back to College

Today we had a field trip to the planetarium at MSU. As we drove through campus, I pointed out for my students where the library was, where I ate when I lived on campus, my dorm, where I hung out, etc... It was so nostalgic. As we walked into the building where the planetarium is, the smell, look and feel of college life hit me like a racing time machine. I was instantly transformed back 17 years. I walked taller, felt excited and eager for the future. Then I realized not only are the 24 loud, short people with me, but I'm in charge of them. For a split second I was transformed back. During the entire presentation, I kept dreaming about my college life. It as though there I was still in astronomy class fighting to stay awake, questioning why I decided a class where they turn out the lights would be a good choice for 8:00 am, and dreaming of what it will be like when I someday bring my class to the planetarium. It's kind-of ironic that I spent so much time daydreaming in astronomy of bringing my students there someday that today, when I did, I kept daydreaming of my old life. I was so young and hopeful, my future was so bright, and I had so many wonderful options. I was sure of myself, happy and so very naive. Sitting there today I realized that was half my lifetime ago, but it seems like yesterday. Now I'm old, the path I took says my future is be a teacher 'til I die because we won't have any retirement by then, and I'm wishing I was naive. I kept wondering, if I could go back would I? Hell YES! In a heartbeat!!! In college all I wanted was a regular job I liked and it always ended at a certain time, now I miss the freedom from responsibility. I miss being "top of my game" in every aspect of my life. Would I go back and change things? I don't know. That's a lot harder. Up until that point I only did two things I regretted. If I could go back to 1993 knowing what I know now, I'm not sure what I'd chose to change. I wouldn't have taken English 103 with Dr. Short, or Personalities with Dr. Nic... something because even though he taught a class called personalities- he didn't have one. I wouldn't have wasted my time with the whole "I'm and artist/speech therapist/gym teacher" (I know where did THAT one come from?) phase. I defiantly wouldn't have driven my Cavalier up and down hills in the lakes area being she was too tired and timid for it, and I really would not have bought the Cutlass (Do they even MAKE those anymore- maybe my letter writing campaign worked!). I would have spend more time with my mom and made sure she felt like I thought it was an honor, and not a burden. I wouldn't have lived in a basement apartment- or would have moved before it flooded. All of my decisions and paths taken lead to my two boys and me teaching 3rd grade in Fargo. Those I would never change for a minute.

I Am, I Think, I Know

I am: wishing it were summertime.
I think: I should start doing my weekend cleaning.
I know: that I want to change lots of things about myself.
I want: to go on vacation!
I have: no tatoos or body piercings
I dislike: when people use religion as an excuse to be super judgemental.
I miss: my boys being babies
I fear: mascots and clowns. And mimes. And my children being seriously hurt or sick.
I feel: oversensitive at times
I hear: not so well on my left side
I smell: good?
I crave: happiness
I search: through my closet and drawers all the time. I can’t keep track of my stuff.
I wonder: what work out routine I could do that would stick
I regret: making rash decisions
I love: sleep.
I care: too much for my own good.
I am always: reading
I worry: about everything
I remember: nothing. I have to write stuff down
I have: not enough time
I dance: with my kids or when I get ready in the morning
I sing: all the time…even for my students. They pretend to like it.
I don’t always: have patience although I try to.
I argue: very rarely, only if provoked, or if it's a cause I feel strongly about.
I write: texts and emails a lot
I lose: track of time on facebook
I wish: That I had super powers.
I listen: to my children. And Pandora! I love pandora
I don't understand: cruelty
I can usually be found: at home, work, or at Target.
I am scared: Of snakes
I need: to change a lot of things
I forget: where my pop is all of the time
I am happy: that I have a four day weekend!

How Did You Spend Your Extra Hour?

Late last night daylight saving time started. We "fall" back an hour on our clock. I was so excited all week because this meant I'd get an extra hour for the weekend. The options on how to spend it were limitless! I decided I was going to spend that hour doing things I WANTED to do, not HAD to do- something that is a huge gift for me. I was not going to clean, do laundry, drive children anywhere, cook, or did I mention cleaning?? I thought about sleeping, but I didn't want to waste my hour and it seems I hate getting up at 6:00 in the morning on the week days, but can't stay in bed past 6:10 on weekends. This is how I spent it...

-30 seconds trying to figure out what the flashing red light is across the golf course- it's a cell phone tower.

-A minute and a half going pee.

-8 minutes looking up, reading the direction, and contemplating performing mouth to snout resuscitation on Abby due to her wheezing and running to me for help.

-10 minutes petting and talking to Abby telling her she's a princess and princesses don't rub their butt across the carpet.

- 17 minutes teaching Ethan how to play Black Jack. He won.

- 13 minutes reading the back covers of my book collection to determine which book I should read next.

- 45 seconds realizing conferences start next week, and I'm NOT SICK! YAY- but I do still have my awful headaches.

- 8 minutes trimming the split ends off my hair, and trying to decide if it looks uneven.

- 1 minute caring that my hair looks uneven in the back.

And then my hour was up and I cleaned the bathroom. Seriously. I know I don't nasty up the bathroom in a matter of four days. I am quite sure it's the BOYS- mostly the grown-up one that gets it so gross. I think maybe HE should use the downstairs bathroom. Now I know why growing up my mom and dad had her bathroom and his bathroom. -Or the girls and boys as I called it. I hope you spent your extra hour doing what you want.