Monday, November 22, 2010
Back to College
Today we had a field trip to the planetarium at MSU. As we drove through campus, I pointed out for my students where the library was, where I ate when I lived on campus, my dorm, where I hung out, etc... It was so nostalgic. As we walked into the building where the planetarium is, the smell, look and feel of college life hit me like a racing time machine. I was instantly transformed back 17 years. I walked taller, felt excited and eager for the future. Then I realized not only are the 24 loud, short people with me, but I'm in charge of them. For a split second I was transformed back. During the entire presentation, I kept dreaming about my college life. It as though there I was still in astronomy class fighting to stay awake, questioning why I decided a class where they turn out the lights would be a good choice for 8:00 am, and dreaming of what it will be like when I someday bring my class to the planetarium. It's kind-of ironic that I spent so much time daydreaming in astronomy of bringing my students there someday that today, when I did, I kept daydreaming of my old life. I was so young and hopeful, my future was so bright, and I had so many wonderful options. I was sure of myself, happy and so very naive. Sitting there today I realized that was half my lifetime ago, but it seems like yesterday. Now I'm old, the path I took says my future is be a teacher 'til I die because we won't have any retirement by then, and I'm wishing I was naive. I kept wondering, if I could go back would I? Hell YES! In a heartbeat!!! In college all I wanted was a regular job I liked and it always ended at a certain time, now I miss the freedom from responsibility. I miss being "top of my game" in every aspect of my life. Would I go back and change things? I don't know. That's a lot harder. Up until that point I only did two things I regretted. If I could go back to 1993 knowing what I know now, I'm not sure what I'd chose to change. I wouldn't have taken English 103 with Dr. Short, or Personalities with Dr. Nic... something because even though he taught a class called personalities- he didn't have one. I wouldn't have wasted my time with the whole "I'm and artist/speech therapist/gym teacher" (I know where did THAT one come from?) phase. I defiantly wouldn't have driven my Cavalier up and down hills in the lakes area being she was too tired and timid for it, and I really would not have bought the Cutlass (Do they even MAKE those anymore- maybe my letter writing campaign worked!). I would have spend more time with my mom and made sure she felt like I thought it was an honor, and not a burden. I wouldn't have lived in a basement apartment- or would have moved before it flooded. All of my decisions and paths taken lead to my two boys and me teaching 3rd grade in Fargo. Those I would never change for a minute.