Monday, June 24, 2013

My Hidden Talent

I've been spackling the walls in the bathroom because the paint is pealing off and I need to repaint.  I've been scraping, and spackling for the past three days. Yesterday I listened to the 80's and 90's channel on Pandora, and I played a little game called, "Name the date and artist for this song" with myself. Yes, I do realize I must have too much time on my hands, or spackling is as boring as baseball.  Anyway, I am AWESOME at Name That Date, it is my hidden talent. I not so good at Name That Artist. I think the combination of listening to the 80's and 90's music and my 12  1/2 hour slumber last night led me to dream I was back in the fall of my freshman year of college. I kept thinking, "Yay! A do-over! This is freaking FANTASTIC!!" It turns out I still became a third grade teacher, but I was teaching in Barnesvile. Everything about the elementary school was the same as when I went there, including the vain of my existence- a certain 4th-grade-teacher's aide. That is another story I will save for my Bitter Memoirs, I swear that book will write itself one day. Anyway, she was still my nemesis, and I was still trying unsuccessfully to win her approval. Apparently even in do-overs things never change. Noah and Ethan were still my children, and I had to go to parent teacher conferences with my old teachers, because they now taught my kids. In my dream, Mr. Kragness told me Noah had illegible handwriting, which is absolutely true, and Mrs. Meisneer told me Ethan is lazy when it comes to math, which is absolutely NOT true. Then I was awoken from my dream by the dentist calling to see why I wasn't at the office waiting to get my new tooth. Ooops. I totally forgot about my appointment. I hope that doesn't mean he'll skip the Novocaine on Thursday.
Last night I told Ethan he was brave because he told me his friends were all doing something not very smart, and he told them he wouldn't do it. He told me I was brave too. But then I thought, no I'm not. I'm scared of so many things. Like something terrible happening to my children, feeling physical or emotional pain, my children feeling physical or emotional pain. I'm scared of Snakes, spiders, frogs, mice, rats, moles, toads, lizards, salamanders, birds pooping on me, skunks, mountain lions, wolves, German shepherds, hairless cats, alligators, losing my memory, losing my knowledge, losing my mind, losing my job, losing my house, being homeless, being a victim of identity theft, being a kidnap victim, my kids being kidnapped, falling in the shower, falling in a crowd, driving on the ice, walking on the ice, driving on the ice and a semi jack-knifing and coming at me head on (this has never happened, but who's to say it won't), my pets dying, someone I love dying, someone I like dying, meeting new people, meeting people I know, sometimes old people, social situations, new situations, my car breaking down, having to change a tire on the highway, getting lost, something going terribly wrong with the plumbing/electrical in my house, box elder bugs, clowns, mimes, mascots, the Easter Bunny, people being mean to me at work, sometimes 9-year-olds, and did I already mention snakes? Good grief, no wonder I take medication. And drink. And don't like to leave my house very much. And panic a little when people come over. And don't have a lot of people visiting. And have very few friends. Huh, well at least I still have "Name The Date And Artist For This Song"...

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Glad to Meet You, Now Go Home

Noah has had a friend over for the past 31.75 hours. Yesterday was the first time I met this friend. In fact his friend has an odd name that I can't keep straight, so I usually call him Captain Crunch when talking to Noah about him. Cappy's parents have never met us. These are the only things I know about him.
1. He was in Noah's science class last year.
2. He doesn't like sports, but does like to golf.
3. He hates dogs (more on that later).
4. He is sullen and quiet.
5. My child becomes sullen and quiet when he is around Captain Crunch.
6. He won't go home.
These are the things I can not do because he won't go home.
1. Go in my pool,
2. Drink a beer in my pool.
3. Take a nap.
4. Watch TV downstairs.
This morning I said, "I bet your parents are missing you. We should get you home." He said, "My parents are at their lake cabin until Monday." Huh... Who drops their kid off at a strangers house and goes out of town? What if there is an emergency? What if that emergency is me wanting my living room back? Actually it's not such a bad thing, because I'm getting a lot done being I can't be parked in front of the TV watching Lifetime Movies, but enough already. I like Noah's friends. I really do, but I'm not so sure about this one. Maybe my friends' parents felt the same about me. "She doesn't talk, she won't go home..." Captain doesn't like the dogs and pushes them off the furniture. I kinda want to say, "hey, they live here, you don't. Go home." But I know Noah wouldn't like that very much. I don't remember having friends over everyday growing up. It's as if the boys can't be with their friends for one day, they are going to go batshit crazy. I don't remember going through that stage, but living out in the middle of no where didn't do wonders for my social life- which I still have issues with today, however I'll save that for my bitter memoirs. One good thing is Ethan is forced to be wherever I am, so that's nice. I also thought I'd try to bake. That turned out to be a burned, smoke alarm going off, disaster. Guess I'll just stick to my original plan of  re-painting the bathroom today. Unless Captain Crunch goes home, then I'm going to drink beer in my pool until I take a nap.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Back At It

I'm not really sure why I'm returning to blogging because I already tell both people who read my posts about my every thought, but I have no energy to tackle my to-do list, I got my eyes dilated at the eye doctor this morning so I can barely see let alone read, and I need to distract myself from wishing for a rain storm that will cancel Ethan's baseball game- preferably one with lightning, so they call it a day and send everyone home. That leaves blogging with probably a lit of typos.  I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I feel very boring. I think I maybe go through this every June when school gets out and my stress level is 5/6 lower, therefore I have nothing to say, or maybe I really just have nothing interesting, or worthy to say. So I made a list. I've made lots of lists lately.  A "to-do list", a "books I want to read list", and "things I have to say that may be worthy". I have small little bursts of of being anal- I wonder if I was supposed to be anal,  but I'm just to lazy to carry through. Maybe it's my bitch-be-gone pills. They are supposed to make me not worry about insignificant things, and while doing that, maybe it took away my analness. Anyway, my list of things I have to say that may/may not be interesting:
1) WHY am I SOOO tired?
2) Why can't I buy Sam and Abby bark collars? Why is it so cruel? Isn't it cruel that I'm on my very last nerve and they bark shattering it?
3) Why does the weather man lie, making me look forward to the baseball game being canceled, and planning my eye dilation for a non-sunny day? It's a sunny, non-rainy baseball day!!
4) Why is baseball so damn boring!!!?
5) Why is my house where all the kids want to hang out? I know I should be glad, I can supervise, know they are safe, but really? I deal with other people's children for 9 1/2 months of the year. I need summers off so the next group of children survive the next 9 1/2 months. It's kinda the same principle as "You must be wonderful with children and want to volunteer running our children's ministry program because of your talent." Yes, I do like children, but I'm sure your dentist likes teeth, would you show up at his house on weekends and make him babysit your teeth for hours on end?
6) Why does 97% of everything in my life revolve around sports, cooking or cleaning?

So both of you people who read this should vote on my things that are worth talking about and I will.