Monday, December 15, 2008

Christmas Letter

I have decided it is December 15, and I haven't even thought of Christmas cards yet. Well, actually I have thought abut it, it went a little like this, 'shit. I don't have a good picture of the kids and dogs. I don't have a good picture of just the kids. Scott wants to send out family ones, is he nuts? When will we get the time to get a family picture taken?' Now my thoughts are; 'It is 10 days from Christmas. I have received four cards and I really don't care. I don't feel like others are snubbing or overlooking me. If they are- oh well I have other people that I care about who care about me.' So, I have officially decided to nix the cards this year. GASP!! I know- big chance I'm taking with all of the judgemental people in my life. Oh well, if they are judging me- they are NOT judging someone else, and if "She didn't send out cards during Christmas of 08" is the worst thing they can say about me- well, they obviously don't know me very well. I am actually saving the enviornment. No trees will die to make my envelopes. It's my little part to help the world go green.However, just to annoy the judgmental people I was thinking of sending out a Christmas letter written through the eyes of Abby- our dog. I thought I'd try it out on people who love me first, so let me know what you think. Abby does speak through me, so it would be an easy task.
Dear Family and Friends,
Another year down and I am still alive to talk about it. Last Christmas was wonderful! I had mama all to myself. Her and those two boys were home for 10 days. I am starting to actually like, not just put up with, the loud little one. When mama went back to school after New Year's I started shivering as she was leaving. Partly because I was cold- I just came in from outside, and partly because it made her go, "Ohhh, Abby. Are you so lonely? Blaa blaa. You need your own pet to be responsible, blaaa do you need a little friend? Blaaa, blaaa." and she'd hold me for a longer time. Then a few days later the next thing I knew, mama brought home a little ball of fur that kept smelling my bum. I am a princess, who did he think he was trying to smell royal poo? I spent much of the next month jumping on the couch to get away from this fur ball they call Max, Maxie and Maxine. In May, mama took him somewhere, and not me- so I got even and peed on her bed. She came home without him! Hooray!! Ooops- REALLY sorry about the bed mama. But the next day she brought him home and called him Maxine much more. I guess he is here to stay. I spent the next three months trying to adjust. The summer was good. Mama and those boys were home. I got to run and play outside. Sometime, this one lady who sort of looks like mama, but she is not mama, would bring her kids and a big fur ball over. That big fur ball would chase me, but I got away. Late August came. Mama went back to this "work" place. I started plotting my escape. That fur ball that lives here is so dumb. He always comes when mama calls. Doesn't he know going to mama is the opposite of escaping? When mama gets ready to go to work, I hid under the bed or in other places. She would clack the dog clacker and yell, "Abby! (clack, clack) ABBY!" Like she was all happy and excited. I knew what she was doing. Mama can fool the dumb one, but not me. On August 25, on mama's back to school night, I successfully carried out my escape. That bigger kid that lives here was playing basketball in the front yard, without me- mind you- how dare he? Anyway, I dug and dug until I made a hole under the fence for me to crawl through. I got through and ran like the wind. I was free for about two hours until this man wearing blue, and had a shiney badge picked me up and I rode in his cool car. He brought me to a place where one would keep a "common" fur ball. All the barking drove me a bit crazy, but I would show mama. She'd miss me and give me more attention than that fur ball at home. I knew one of them would get me in the morning, and sure enough, before the jailer could even call for bail- there they were- waiting the next morning to bust me out! Who's the princess? ME- Don't you forget it. Things were fine until late November when mama brought home another fur ball! Seriously. What is with that? Wasn't I enough mama? Why do you need two more? This one barks A LOT. Disturbs my sleep, and is always trying to chase me. I am currently plotting his demise. The people who live here are good. The human boys go to school. Mama and the man go to work. Sometimes they give me treats. The little- loud boy and mama keep asking me why I look so sad. You'd be sad too if you were out numbered by commoners.
Merry Christmas to All and to All a Good Night. Hey- want a free baby fur ball- I think it comes with a loud boy.
Abby Princess Puppy Fairfield
Do you like it? Should I print it and send it out??


Anonymous said...

thry will either like it and think its funny or call Fergus Falls and have you committed. Its your call

Julie said...

I think it is funny. :-)How about Sam in the stocking as a christmas card? How about just get everyone near the couch, set the self-timer and just send out what you get. It'll be a picture of the craziness of boys and furballs.

jill said...

I am finally caught up on all the posts and I have come to some conclusions.
1. I could NEVER be a teacher. I used to think i'd love to be a teacher, but my filter doesn't work and I would be fired. Surprisingly, lack of a filter did not ever get me fired from RDO.
2. I like the inform Christmas letter. Much better than the bragging one. The one from the dogs' view hits the mark as well.
3. yes, your grandma is insane. Reminds me of mine on my mother's side actually.. she always got to choose whether or not she was a good grandma.. to some of the kids she was and the rest of us didn't exist. Now she has dimentia and is in the nursing home. I think it's karma.