My First Official Day Thoughts

•       6:00 alarm, you are my EVEREST.
•       Snooze.
•       Snooze.
•       FINE. But only for the children.
•       At least I can finally take this mountain of school stuff that’s been sitting in my bedroom all summer.
•       Okay, what to wear... Betting my summer uniform would be frowned upon, as it does not involve pants.
•       Should I even try to look somewhat decent, or stick with comfy-casual?

Arguments for looking decent	Arguments for comfy-casual
-There might be new people whom you don’t want to think you’re a slovenly old bag	-Comfortable. So, so comfortable. -Takes almost zero time. -You can dress up one day, take a picture of yourself, make copies of it, and distribute to the new people that serve both as gifts and proof that sometimes you don’t look like a slovenly old bag.

• Comfy-casual it is!
• Should I wear my ID? 
• District policy says yes, but is that even for in-service? 
• What if I’m the only one wearing one? 
• Will people think I’m a suck-up if I’m wearing it? 
• Or what if I’m the only one NOT wearing it? 
• I’ll bring it.
• Oh well, can’t find it anyway, so that idea’s out.
• I wonder if anyone got plastic surgery over the summer.
• What? Why is there traffic?
• Oh, because it’s in-service and I’m going to work at a normal human time instead of negative fifty o’clock.
• I wonder what they will have for breakfast.
• I hope banana bread.
• I hope Dt. Mt. Dew.
• I hope a gourmet omelet station.
• I hope a crown royal and keg of beer.
• Hahaha.
• But seriously, I hope there’s banana bread.
• Please, God, if you love me at all, make this a classroom workday.
• YES. KATY PERRY. This is my JAM.
• Aaaand I’m behind that one math teacher I don’t know at a red light. 
• Did he see me singing ultra-seriously by myself in my car as I was pulling up?
• Awkward. Don’t make eye contact. Play it cool. Drink your pop.
• Where are we even supposed to be meeting?
• I’m just going to follow the herd.
• AHHHH SO MANY PEOPLE.
• And they’re all wearing their IDs. Perfect.
• Would it be weird to feign illness and hide in my car?
• I bet I could do a reasonably believable impression of fainting.
• Okay, it’s fun to see people again. Good job, self. You’re being normal.
• Uh-oh. All this interaction with people is making me sweaty.
• Hello, nice to meet you, my name is Ms Clammyhands.
• Banana Bread!!!!!
• Just realized that all my conversations with people sound like this: “HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!” “It’s so good to see you!” “How was your summer?!” “Do you know if we get to work in our rooms today or not?”
• Oh, dear. The Back-to-School speeches/PowerPoints have begun.
• Time for me to pretend like I’m taking notes on this legal pad.
• What should I get at the grocery store?
• What do I need to buy at Home Depot to be able to fix that broken metal bookshelf in my classroom that is waiting to give me tetanus?
• What do I want to name my children if I were to have one more boy, or a girl?
• What will I name my future pets?
• Where will we eat lunch today?
• I seriously can not name a single one of my own children's teachers. 
• Oh well, middle school and high school don't count that much. 
• Let’s doodle a crossbow-wielding panda.
• Geez, who is talking behind me? That’s so rude to talk when someone’s presenting.
• It’s also probably rude to be doodling crossbow-wielding pandas.
• Oh, an inspirational video!
• I AM TOTALLY READY TO TEACH THIS YEAR!!!!!
• I think I’m easily inspired.
• I think that means I would make a good cult member.
• Drink the kool-aid.
• I better make sure my principal sees me here so I get credit for being here.
• I don't want to make a scene, but how do I get her attention?
• YES! Classroom workday! Thank you, teaching gods!
• I’m taking another banana bread on my way out

There you have it. My first day...