Advice? Venting?

I don't know if I am as much asking for advice as I am venting. My children (mainly Ethan) have been making me so crabby lately. I have been sick for over a week. Not swine flu, dying sick. But I have a sinus infection. My teeth hurt, all day my nose alternates between being plugged and runny, all night I cough and cough and cough. I am so tired of coughing. You know how you start coughing, then gasping for air and think, "This is it! I am going to die from a coughing fit right here in front of my non-CPR certified third grade students! I hope they know they have to dial 9 to get an outside line when they dial 9911. Maybe this is something I should review with them. If only I could stop gasping for air..."- That's me. I can't tell you how many times today I had to stop teaching and have them read at their desk, so I can finish my coughing fit. I know it's a sinus infection, but I don't want to go to the clinic, because what if I catch something worse while I am there? I could wrap myself up in saran wrap from head to toe, but the hours of waiting to be seen would entail me having to have saran wrap around my head too long, I'd probably suffocate. Let's see. Die from a saran wrap mishap, or from a coughing fit? The saran wrap option might make the newspaper, so maybe that would be the better choice... Anyway, I haven't slept and I am tired. If you know me at all, you know I am really not a happy camper when I am tired. It makes me not care about anything other than sleep. People have asked me to do fun things, that I turned down, I didn't stop at the liquor store OR get gas today because I don't care about anything other than sleeping and a way to stop coughing.
My question for advice is what do you do with two kids who fight constantly? My siblings were so much older than me, they either let me have my way, or were too tired to fight by the time I came along. Before I had kids, I had a "plan" about what to do with fighting. That "plan" sucks!! It doesn't work at all! Noah and Ethan fight constantly. They used to never fight. Ethan is (well he has more personality traits in common with his other parent)-touchy. You don't know what will set him off. You don't know which Ethan is showing up. You walk gently on egg shells. Noah has never stood up for himself. This is something I have been trying to teach him since kindergarten. When he was two he went to mean Jenny's daycare and she squashed all of his ability to stand up for himself, and I have spent the past five years trying to install it. Well, now it works. Too well. He is always criticizing Ethan, and Ethan gets mad, over-reacts and yells, which makes me yell. I have said the words "shut- up" and "knock it off!" to them this week. I have NEVER said those words to my children ever. At first I was ashamed, then thought, "Maybe there will be shock value in this and I can run with it." Nope. In fact the "knock it off" was on the way to Sunday School, and it didn't phase them in the least. Are you kidding me? What is driving me to such extremes? THEIR non-stop fighting. I told them through clenched sore teeth, "YOU WILL STOP FIGHTING OR ELSE!" Of course, Ethan (I should have expected it) said, "Or else what?" I've tried making them stay in their rooms. I tried making them stay in a room together until they write or say three nice things to each other- which resulted in Ethan having to stay in a room with me to think of three nice things to say to me for calling me "dumb" because he can't write and throwing a tantrum about it. - By the way all I got was him holding up three fingers and ticking them off as he said, "GO A-WAY!" All I could think is "YOU. LITTLE. BRAT." I've made them go outside to fight. I've taken away video games. I've taken away so much from Ethan, all he has left is his bed. He currently can not play video games, watch TV, talk to Noah, or go to the neighbor's house. Oh and to top that off. All day today ALL I wanted was to come home and sleep. Nope. I had to do laundry, drive Noah all over the city, and make supper. Ethan has a huge aversion to anything red. In the rice tonight were tomato skins (like tiny 12 squares total). He refused to eat it because it has something red in it, was by something red once on the shelf, could look like something red could be found in it, etc... I was about to string him up. I didn't want to cook for the little angel any more than he wanted to eat it, but I did. I am at my wits end. Noah does taunt him, but Ethan needs to chill out and not get so worked up about every little thing. I try to tell Noah to stop teasing him, and Noah acts all, "what??? me???" As if I were born yesterday. Even now as I help Ethan with homework we just had a heated debate about their not being an "h" in away. UGGGGGGG
Speaking of being born yesterday- or on another planet, I was making my bi-weekly run to Walgreen's to buy my fake sudafed and benadryl and I overheard a middle aged lady (YOU had better not be thinking- or like YOUR age Sara?) talking to a college age girl with dread locks. "How is your mom?" Dread lock girl, "Oh good". Old lady, "Have you been healthy" (now I am thinking, well she won't get planters warts on her feet from sharing a shower because I don't think you can shower if you have dread locks)- see I am even a bitch in my head. The dread lock girl answers- I kid you not- "Oh yeah, We're like vegetarian most of the time, but we still will eat hamburger once in a while, but NOT pork, so we won't get the swine flu." Really?... Just think, She might be taking care of me someday in the nursing home. I better load up on ham now.
Thoughts I think: I used to care, but now I take a pill for that.