Wednesday, March 23, 2011

My Epiphany

Flying down the stairs and floating up in the air are recurring dreams I have. Freud says dreams are your unconscious' was of trying to sort out problems you're having. I don't think I have an unrealistic fear of tripping while going down the stairs- as long as it's not in public and I don't get hurt, or a fear of the ability to float. I actually think that would be a neat little trick. However, sometimes you have a dream that doesn't just sort things out in your unconscious, but hits you like the big elephant in the room. My second grade teacher, Mrs. Nikle, is now a fourth grade teacher at my school. I had a dream that I was back in Barnesville in the second grade, but this time I was the teacher and my teaching partner was Mrs. Nikle. The students we were teaching were in my grade- as in the ones I graduated with. Mrs. Nikle was so worried about and fretting over the students. "Dusty doesn't work up to his potential. Dave is lazy. Ryan keeps setting the curtains on fire. Jeremy keeps showing everyone his privates. Tiffany is whinny, and Ann is just plain mean. I don't know what I'm going to do with them. How will I fix them? What's going to happen to them?" On a side note, every time the teacher left the room my cousin, Jeremy, would whip out his privates and parade up and down the aisles showing off his "stuff". Having grown up never seeing my brother naked, or having any younger boy cousins, I should have been shocked that boys have something I've never seen. Oddly, I remember not being surprised about boys' "privates", but that he'd wander around shoving it at kids so they'd have a good look. Maybe it's just me, but isn't that more disturbing? Huhhh. Anyway, in my dream I told Mrs. Nikle, "It's OK. They'll all turn out fine. Dusty still doesn't work to his potential, but he's really happy. Dave is still lazy, but oh well- you can't force him to work if the National Government can't. Ryan isn't an arsonist- well unless you count burning down his mom's garage in High School. Jeremy isn't a pedophile. Tiffany is still whinny, and Ann is still mean, but they seem to be OK. There are a few who didn't turn out so good, but it's sure not YOUR fault. No one can blame their Second Grade teacher for not turning out." I woke up thinking, 'THAT'S IT! however, or whatever they grow up to be is not my fault.' I highly doubt after a brain surgeon completes his first surgery he celebrates by saying, "Thank God for my third grade teacher! If it weren't for her, I'd never be successful or saved that guys life". You might hear, "If that third grade teacher would have been better (without telling my child 'no' or making them sad), my Johnny wouldn't be in prison."- But let's face it, that's totally misplaced blame. I think not only my unconscious, but my every thought was focused on feeling like a failure because a few of my students aren't where I want them to be. Having that dream made me let go. And, while looking at the big picture- they will all turn out fine, but if they don't it certainly isn't their third grade teacher's fault. - It's the fourth grade teacher's fault. :)

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