Cholesterol Check

Today I went to the Doctor to get my cholesterol checked. I knew I had to get it checked since June 6. At first I planned to go one week without beer, cheese, or red meat. I had only 30 days to get the test done, so I changed my "rule" to 5 days without beer or cheese. Then it was three days without beer. The end of the month is coming fast, so I decided, I can't be hung over or have had cheese the night before. So today was the day! Although I did have cheesy potatoes last night for supper. I don't know why I have to get it checked. I had it checked two years ago when we decided to buy life insurance. My cholesterol, height, weight, antibodies, hair length, favorite color, and shoe size were all within the "normal" range. The insurance company wanted $250 a month to insure me, even though I am relatively young, a non-smoker and "normal". And $150 a month for Scott who was in the "high weight and cholesterol" bracket. He was "accepted". However when they got my medical records I was denied because I, and many of the female relatives that came before me use(d) bitch-be-gone pills. Apparently that makes me "high-risk". Really? Because I'd say not being on them makes Scott a"high-risk". Needless to say, we decided to put that money in an account rather than insurance. I was told "if you go off the medication, we'd be happy to insure you..." Every few months the salesman calls me to ask if I'm still on my beloved bitch-be-gone pills. The last time he called I said, "Did I answer the phone pleasantly?" He said, "Yes." Then I said, "If I was off them I'd answer the phone like this; What do you want you money grubbing a$$hole? Oh I know! You want $400 a month to insure us. Well, if I ever sober up, or if Scott doesn't quit his damn snoring we will definatly need and use that insurance, so sign me up my friend!" He hasn't called since January.

My Missing Child

I'm pretty sure I have an eleven-year-old. I remember having him the past eleven years, however, I barely see him. I see remnants that tell me he has been here, such as the trail of dirty socks and wrappers from the kitchen to his room. Seriously. What's will the socks. As soon as Noah makes a rare appearance, the socks come off and drop where he stands. I rarely see him. He and his father seem to believe he absolutely must be at a practice, a game, an organized scrimmage, staying at some kids house or having kids stay here 24-7. What ever happened to "I'm bored" during summer? Why does an 11-year-old need to have a social calendar that leaves literally 1 DAY free the whole summer? It has been a very hot button topic at my house lately. From the time everyone wakes up until they go to bed it is sports. sports, sports. All three eat (we had to sell 20 tickets for a Texas Road House Lunch), breathe (at baseball) and live sports. No one talks about anything else. The only thing on TV at my house is ESPN or some sports game. It doesn't matter if I'm watching Little House on the Prairie, the channel gets changed as soon as someone else walks in the room. I feel like I don't fit in, or belong in this family. I belong in a family that hates sports (except basketball and the Superbowl commercials and snacks). I like basketball, but not enough to watch it on TV or DVR it. I like it enough to watch it live if I know someone playing. Other than that, nothin'. I'm beyond sick of it. So I wonder, how is it that I am all alone in a house with two boys and three dogs- and the one missing kid?

Noah's 5th Grade Graduation

Noah and the principal Mr. Kopperud.

Noah and his friends. Most are kids he's been friends with since Kindergarten, pre-school, or first grade.

Today was Noah's 5th Grade Graduation. As I was waiting for it to start, I suddenly remembered the last day of Kindergarten and him racing out to the car waving his report card yelling, "It says Grade One!! I passed! I passed!!" I remembered the day before Scott and I went to Hawaii and I was suppose to eat lunch with Noah, but I got the time mixed up and got there late. Mrs. Anderson showed us a room we could use to eat our McDonald's and Noah's second lunch for the day. I remembered in second grade when Max was a baby and he brought Max and his four-year-old brother for show and tell. I remembered in fourth grade when he realized he is really smart.

The first awards they gave out was for art and I was sure Noah wouldn't get one. He hates art, isn't good at it, and actually it's really hard to read his handwriting. Noah's name was the first one called. The principal gave his speech next. He mentioned how he looked at the yearbook when these kids were in kindergarten and how one kid had a great flat-top, one girl had a wonderful smile, and how he and Noah would have snack in his office every Monday to talk about the Vikings game and Noah usually knew more about it than he did. He told us later that whenever he watches the Vikings, he thinks of Noah. Little does he know, during that year and in first grade Noah had a one hour limit of "football talk" at home.

I thought of the day I took Noah to his pre-school screening when he turned five to make sure he was ready for school. The teacher asked if I had concerns and I told her I was worried he wouldn't make friends. Noah was always very picky about his friends, and there were not a lot of kids his age in the neighborhood. He'd likely know no one when school started. She told me he's cute, friendly and smart and he'll have plenty of friends. When the principal announced Noah's name to come up to get his graduation certificate and metal, the whole grade whooped and hollered. I got tears in my eyes. They like him, they really do.

When it was all done a lady who works with a special needs student in Noah's class sought me out and told me Noah is kind, caring, respectful and smart. He is everything you'd want in a kid. She said I did a good job raising him. I thanked her, and thought to say, 'he was born that way, it has very little to do with me,' but I said nothing and thought to myself, "I should have had more kids. That's one thing I do well."

Now he's playing basketball in the driveway with his BFF, the same kid he met on the first day of Kindergarten and I told Noah to sit by him because he looked like he'd be nice. He's also hoping baseball is canceled so he can play longer. I'm watching him wondering where that little boy went. How did he grow up so fast?

Abby's Morning Run and PMS

Ethan has a friend who comes over and rings the doorbell constantly until someone answers. It's ding-dong, ding-dong, ding-dong... This morning at 7:30 the doorbell started ringing. We were all still in bed. I laid there and thought, "I'm going to punch that kid..." Thinking it was "Fred" I opened the door with my teacher look on my face. It wasn't Fred, it was an older guy with his wife walking their dog. He told us "Your little brown dog just ran away." I'm not sure, but I think I said something like "S**t! Damn it! She's not wearing her collar! Sh-iiiit!!" Charming. I know.We all ran and got dressed. The older couple was talking to another older couple with their dog. They pointed us in the direction of where Abby went. Scott went on foot, Ethan went one way around the block while Noah went the other on their bikes, and I started driving around. Noah found her. Apparently he bent down and yelled for her. She acted like she was running to him, but ran right by. He chased after her and caught her as I drove around the corner. She was caked with mud from head to tail. I'm not sure how the people knew she was brown, because she looked black to me. I gave her a bath and she told me if we didn't start taking her for more walks she'd start taking herself. Apparently Scott let her out at about two in the morning and forgot to let her back in. She had five hours to dig for freedom. Thank goodness those people were outside and saw her escape. We wouldn't have known until she was long gone.
PMS- I'm pretty sure I've never had PMS. Sure I get waterlogged and my boobs hurt, but it never effected my mood before. I'm really noticing 1)Now that I'm not trying to get pregnant, my body is like clockwork- unlike when I was trying to get pregnant. 2)In the last three months I get VERRY crabby, irritable, and just plain bitchy at the end of the month. I've been known to say things like,"Every Damn-day doesn't have to be a party!" and "I don't know how more people aren't smothered to death by their spouses because they won't stop snoring." I can barely stand myself. After my period, I am much more tolerable, even happy in fact. I don't understand how this symtom can crop up all of a sudden. That led me to looking it up on the Internet- where you should get all of your free medical advice. It turns out that I am either A) Simply a crab, or more likely B) suffering from PMS-As in Pre Menopause Syndrome. WHAT?? I'm 28. How can I be close to Pre-Menopause? It turns out Pre-Menopause can last for 15 years, so I guess that means 180 more end-of-the month crabbiness. Huh. Who knew??

My Shopping Adventure

Yesterday I went shopping. I wasted a ton of time just looking at baby clothes- have your baby already Julie so I know if I dare buy newborn or if I need 3 months, I need to know if he'll be over 12 pounds. I also looked at clothes for the boys, clothes for me and sandals. My mission was to buy shorts for the boys. Ethan will only wear shorts that come exactly to his knees and it must have a string to tie at the waist because he is deathly afraid of "losing his pants". He is pickier than a girl. Noah wears whatever I through at him, but not Ethan. He wants his pants too short, and his shorts too long and forget about jeans unless they have a drawstring. His socks have to cover his knees- so actually wearing shorts is kind-of lost on him. His shirts have to cover his hips and have words on them. The shirts can not have any kind of pink or purple anywhere, or a tag. Wow. You'd think, Noah, who's going into middle school would be this picky, but nope. He still tries to wear a dressy shirt with running pants. He's even tried to wear my orange/peach sweatshirt to school until I told him, "That's mine!" Anyway, I found four pairs of shorts for Noah for 20.00 total and couldn't find any that would fit Ethan's qualifications. I went to Scheels and found a pair for Ethan for 30.00! I've never spend that much on "play wear" that they will wear for less than 3 months of the year, but I was desperate. I felt bad for Noah, since I didn't get him "fancy shorts" so I got him some Moorhead Spuds shorts that he hasn't taken off since I got them home yesterday. When I was sandal shopping I saw the ugliest sandals you could imagine. It looked like the sole of a flip-flop with a bunch of elaborate strings attached to it that you are suppose to loop and entwine your foot through to get on. It reminded me of the time my wooden clogs broke in second grade and I tried to use yarn to tie the clogs to my foot so I could still wear them and be "cool". Seriously, who came up with the idea of wooden clogs? "I know what's really comfortable and good for your feet- a wedge of wood! We will put one narrow strip of fake leather up by the toes and that will be how it stays on the foot. We should also put a big metal buckle on that leather so when it's sunny out, and the wearer moves their toes they'll burn them. Oh and let's market it to kids. I'm sure they will be wonderfully safe to run around in. If we make it the blue light special at K-Mart they will be irresistible." I still remember coming home from K-Mart with my wooden shoes all excited and proud, and I still have a scar from being burned by the buckle on my left middle toe to prove it.
My other shopping adventure was to the furniture store. I found the best couch in the WORLD!! It is a sectional. It has two room for seven- I'd be great if I were to find six friends. It has two reclining seats, it has lower back massage, build in lights in the headrest, drop down table, storage counsel, cup holders and get this- A FRIDGE that hold 4 beverages!!! It is AWESOME!! The only thing is if we get it the dogs can't be on it and what's the point of having a pet if you can't let them sit on your lap and pet them? But it is a super cool couch!
Stay tuned for my next post- which I am sure you will be anxiously awaiting- "What is with my PMS?"

My Babies Are Growing Up

If you are a parent you understand when you have those days that you look at your children and wonder "Who are you? Where did my little boys go?" Noah is so grown-up. He is so smart and kind, thoughtful and sweet, genuine and beautiful. He loves sports more than life itself and spends much of his time orchastrating time to hang out with his friends. He is growing up so fast. He starts middle school next year. For Mother's day Noah and Ethan wrote letters to me. Noah wrote, "You are a great mom. You've never missed any of my games even if it's cold out because you love me. But I still love you more And you usually say yes to stuff I ask, like facebook." Ethan wrote, "I love you more than I can say in words. You are so nice to me and love me." They both made me want to cry. I am so lucky. Ethan wants to grow up so fast and do the same things as his brother, but he still likes to cuddle and share his blanket with me. He's the first one to crawl in my bed in the morning to ask me something and lay there cuddling. He loves the dogs, well any furry or baby animal for that matter. He really doesn't understand why we can't get a kitten or two along with a guinea pig and hamster. I love them both so much and they are growing up way too fast.
Funny things my students have said lately: "Every day more and more of my hair falls out!!"
We were writing about our dreams for when we grow up: "I dream of being a Kindergarten Music teacher. And my classroom will be in the hallway." I wonder if her 'classroom' in the hall is a by-product of going to an overcrowded school?

My Little Friends

This, the third to the last week of school, we've had tears, "My mom says we might have to give my cat away because he goes potty where he shouldn't." Cheers, "My dad says my mom is starting to like him a little bit again!" Revelations, "My family doesn't celebrate Easter. We're Catholic." And observations, "Mrs. Fairfield, your hair looks longer today. You should get it cut." They have not however learned that if you don't do your book project, or worse plagiarize or cheat, your teacher will 1) Make you still do it. 2) Make you do it while the rest of the class is having fun. The kidos have a book project each month. They have five weeks to read the book, make a plan of attack and do it. This month the kids were suppose to read a book. Write down what genre it is, if they recommend it, why they chose it (most said because my teacher told me it's a good choice for me), who they would recommend it to, (usually to anyone with a lot of time on their hands) and most importantly a 3-5 sentence summery of the book. One sentence from the beginning, the middle and end. I had 7 kids- (1/3) of my class either not do it at all, or COPY the summery DIRECTLY from the back cover. I informed them that's cheating. They didn't look the least bit sorry or guilty. I even told them "there will be a consequence. I'll tell you what it is later this week. Try not to worry." They aren't worrying at all!! They are skipping and laughing!One was sad, but only because he knows I'll make him redo it. So my plan is to have ice cream, popcorn and a movie Friday afternoon while those 7 are reading their new books for their new project in the hallway. A part of me wants to say there's only 11 days left. You gave up. I give up too. If I haven't taught you there will be a consequence for not doing your work in the past 163 days, you probably won't figure it out in the last 11. But if I don't make them redo it, they'll 'get one over on old Mrs. Fairfield', and we can't have that!
Meanwhile, I am still waiting for my magic wand to arrive.