Mom-isms

When I was growing up I promised myself I would not use mom-isms. My mom used a ton. Here are some of hers:
"Just because it's mashed up and held together by condensed soup, does not make it any less of a balanced meal."
"If all of your friends jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?" That one usually confused me because I thought, 'What does jumping off a bridge have to do with wearing designer jeans?' Or a few years later I thought, 'At least my dead tangled body would be cute because I'd be wearing designer jeans."
"Why buy the cow if you get the milk for free?" Really? I had NO CLUE what that one meant until I was in my late 20's. Being the daughter of a dairy farmer I kept wondering, 'why would you even want the cow? They are a lot of work. Why not just go buy milk at the grocery store like normal people?'
"Don't wear so much make-up, you'll look like Wanda Gardner." Who happened to be a trashy girl from my home town who was 15 years older than me. I had no idea what she looked like, but she apparently wore too much make-up.
"Wear sunscreen on your face or you'll get wrinkles."- I still follow that one.
"Always wear clean underwear, you never know when you'll get into a car accident, and if you go to the hospital, you'd be embarrassed." Strangely I always thought, 'But Mr. Loegreen told us when you get in a car accident, your bladder either bursts leading to immediate death, or you pee your pants.' Even so, I still follow that one too.
"Quit crying or I'll give you something to cry about!" This one is hilarious! Even when I was little I saw the absurdity of it. I can't even say it out loud without giggling. It's sort-of like the time my father-in-law spanked my nephew for hitting someone. "Come here- I'll smack you so you'll learn not to hit!"
"Dive safe" Well THAT ruined my plans! I was hoping to drive fast and take chances.

I asked my kids if I have any mom-isms.
"It's always fun and games til you break your neck!"
If someone is being mean to either of them and they tell me about it, I always say, "You should've punch them in the eye, that's what I'D do!"
One I tell my students when they are doing something unsafe, "I'm a trained teacher, but a terrible doctor. I sure hope you don't get hurt..."

My mom's last mom-ism:
"Call when you get there" That one was my favorite. I wish I still could.

No one loves or cares about you like your mom.