Monday, May 24, 2010


Today I was cleaning out my closets and I came across the photo album from when I was in college. I looked so young and happy. I wish I could go back in time and warn that girl about the future, tell her to remember and cherish that happiness, and give advice about things that worried me that didn't need to. I also came across a photo of my mom at Christmas. She was opening a gift- of scissors! Seriously? Who wants scissors? Well she did. She made lots and lots of quilts and new scissors to her is like new socks for everyone else. I probably took a picture of her opening it because I spend most Saturdays and summers between the ages of 7-17 looking for %^& Damn blue handled scissors that did not exist! I'd tell her, "We don't have blue handled scissors!" and her reply would be, "We don't any more because you lost them!" After I got my license I offered to go into town to buy her a pair, but she wouldn't let me. Wouldn't she have crapped her pants if I showed up with blue handled scissors, "Oh, here they are Claudie..." Anyway, my mom looked happy. I miss her. I don't know if it's because it's Memorial Weekend, around Mother's Day, or because I am going through a particularly stressful time right now, but I started crying. I. could. not. stop. I sobbed and sobbed for at least an hour and a half. The kind of sobbing that happens when you think you are done crying but tears keep rolling out of your eyes. I kept wondering, 'what's wrong with me?' I even checked to make sure I took my b&tch-be-gone pill and I did, not knowing what my problem was made me bawl even more. I just couldn't stop. It's not like she'd be much help, or even give advice, but she'd be able to tell me it's a phase, things will get better. OK she probably wouldn't say that, but she'd listen and I'd be able to tell that's what she'd want to say.
While I was cleaning out my closet, I also found tons of scented lotions. I am not sure if it's a teacher thing, or if people think I smell, but I never buy lotion and I can literally never buy lotion again and I'd still have plenty. I am pretty sure most of it came from students, or my children. I also have more baby blankets than you can shake a stick at. I'm not sure what to do with them. They are taking up space, but I really don't want to part with them. I used one to wrap Max up like a baby and he's still, four hours later, laying on the floor on his back wrapped up in the blanket. One more thing I realized while cleaning out my closet is if a piece of clothing says, "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" it means I will never wash it - ever. Maybe that's the reason for the lotion?...

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