Saturday, May 7, 2011

13 Days and Mother's Day

Now I have only 13 days left, 13 days left, 13 days left, until they set me free!! 13 days of school left. Ever since I had 23 days left I've been able to let go of a lot of stress. I kinda feel like, "If I couldn't fix 'em or teach 'em in 152 days, I'm not going to do it in the last 23." Since I've had that revelation I've been able to let go and have a lot more fun at school. I found I really enjoy being with my students. They are a good class and I'll miss them next year because this group is completely trained and next year I'll have to have to re-train another group. I actually even told them today I'd go teach 4th grade next year if I could have them as students. That said, I do like my group, but I love summer and still have a count down. Also last week was teacher appreciation week and I wasn't "appreciated". I hope it's just because they kids didn't know and not because they think I suck. Spring arrived just last week and I know in less than four short months fall/winter will be back. I feel like I'm counting down or wishing my life away, "I wish it were spring, I wish it was summer, 13 days until vacation..." But I guess in the summer when the weather is nice I wish each week would be 10 days instead of 7.

Yesterday was mother's day. As a motherless daughter, I have struggled with mother's day. It's not as bad as the mother's day I was suppose to be a mother, but that baby wasn't to be, but I still count the days as it approaches and try to convince myself that it's no big deal. I wake up each mother's day determined to keep a smile on my face but I always end up crying. For no apparent reason. Always. Just like on my mom's birthday, October 8, the date she died, November 17, the date of the funeral, November 20th and memorial week.
Yesterday I decided I was going to celebrate being a mother and not think about missing my own. I have learned even though at times it doesn't seem that way or feel like it, I may stumble, fall, fail and fumble in every aspect of my life, but my children will still love me with every breath they take.

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