Sunday, May 6, 2012

Three Legitimate Fears

Today I will conquor number two on my list. Describe three legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears. This is a hard one. I have many, many fears. It's hard to determine, with that many, if they are legitimate, or how they became fears. I am afraid of mascots. Seeing a mascot makes me feel the fight or flight reaction people speak of. Really, who is going to fight with a mascot? They are big, hairy and not above totally making a scene. That leaves the only other option- flight. I actually met the person who is my most lothed mascott, Hawkeye, from Fargo's baseball team. He is a friend of one of my friend's husband. When I met him I said, "Oh my God!! I HATE Hawkeye!! He's (as if Hawkeye was an actual person and not the guy sitting in front of me) always chasing me and trying to embarrass me. He's so obnoxious." Yep. That's what happens when you give me a few beers and try an intervention about my fears. I think I know how this became a fear. I was with my college boyfriend at Univeral Studios in Los Angelos, sitting on a tram. We were waiting for the tour to start and a giant, hairy gorrila tapped me on the shoulder and scared the $hit out of me. However, I never feel any PTS whenever I have been in a tram since. I also remember seeing the Easter Bunny at the Holiday Mall in Moorhead when I was pretty young and thinking he was creapy. Next fear, clowns. They are a little creapier than mascots. With Mascots I want to run and hide. With clowns I was to start yelling, "Get out everyone!! The clown is going to eat us all!! AAAAGGGGG!" I've never liked clowns. Even when I was little. My mom used to make clown dolls and she would set them in my room while waiting to be packed up for the craft shows. I remember not being able to fall asleep with the damn clowns in the room. I remember staring at them, looking away, and staring back again to see if any of them moved. I would also get out of bed, get a garbage bag and put them in it, and lock them in my closet knowing full well they could untie the knot and open the closet door once I fell asleep. I'm not sure where it stems from, but I think it might be every Stephan King movie I've ever seen. However, I would totally bury Big Fat Kitty in a "Magical" cemetary if it meant he'd come back to life. The next fear is probably snakes. I absolutly hate snakes. They make me want to run and hide AND yell, "Get out! The snake will eat us all!" Growing up on a farm, my job from seven-years-old on was to burn the garbage in the garbage barrel. Really? WHO in their right mind lets a child play with matches, let alone have to walk those thiry feet in the tall, tall, grass to get to the burning barral. Every time I went to burn garbage, I saw at least one snake. Once I saw a whole nest of little ones crawling all over eachother. I would whine and whine every time I was told to "go burn the trash". My mom would always say "this was going to be the time you won't see a snake." One time, in the early spring when I was about fourteen, I told my mom if I see a snake I was done burning trash forever. She said, it was too cold out for snakes and I wouldn't see one. Making a deal- right? Well, I opened the door from the house into the garage, didn't even take a step out into the garage, and saw a snake IN THE GARAGE!! It was probably waiting to eat me. I screamed. Mom got the broom and shooed it outside as I was yelling "Kill it! Kill it!!" I was mad she didn't kill it but she told me we needed it alive to eat the mice. Great. One more reason not to go in the garage. However, mom did stick with the deal and told my dad to burn the garbage most of the time that summer. My dad said the fear of snakes came from my sister's intense fear of snakes and apparently I was about two and with her when she saw one and I just reacted to her fear. My mom said it was because I was in a car with her and my grandma once and my grandma ran over (as in above- not killing it) a snake and grandma and I were certain the snake jumped up into her engine and was going to crawl out onto the floor of the car at any minute. I think I'm just scared of snakes. I hate how the move. I also hate how sneeky they are. I used to be afraid of dogs, but now I collect them. Growing up, it seemed EVERY damn house we went to, realitives, neighbors, etc... Had a big german shepherd, doberman, black lab, or husky. They would always jump on me and knock me down. If I knew I was going somewhere that had dogs, I would start worrying from the minute I found out. Sometimes it would be days. I think my fear of dogs concerned my mom. I heard her tell my aunts once that her and dad should get a dog to help me get over thte fear. I just thought, 'well between the snakes and the dog, I'll never go outside.' I'm still not a fan of German Shepherds, but I'm not scared of them either. Getting Abby helped me conquor that fear. None of these are legitimate fears though. Seeing a mascot, clown, or snake might ruin my dayWell my week if it touches me, but not my life.
My legitimate fears are 1) Losing everything. As in my job, children, family, house, car, friends... It's a fear that has kept me awake at night at times. Where would I live? How would I get the kids back? What if they were kidnapped? What if I couldn't afford rent or a morgage, or car payment? All of those things can be taken gone in a matter of a week. I know exactly how this became a fear. I've had enough loss in my life to know how fast your can lose something- or someone important to you. They could die, they could marry an evil b*tch and never want to see you, they could run away, it could have been something that you made more of than what it really was. Legitimate fear 2) Something terrible happening to my kids. Having two miscarriages and years of infertility will give you an unrealistic fear of something bad happening. I know I could never go on if something happened to either on of them. 3)

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